I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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