Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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