So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
