why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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