By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
