I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
