I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
