So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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