Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
