And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
