They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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