I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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