I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
