you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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