Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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