So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
