Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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