if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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