Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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