Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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