No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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