i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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