the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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