White coat. Heels.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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