Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
