So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
