Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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