i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
