The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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