I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
