I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
