saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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