WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
3pm strippers are depressing
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
