Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
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You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You pole danced in your parka.
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I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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