The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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