booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
