Your tits are I can't wait for
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
