A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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