just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
