do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the raccoons are back...
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