Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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