alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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