she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Apparently you make a good broom.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
