Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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