Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
