Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Randomize
