You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
