Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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