Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize