You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
