We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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