Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
