when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
