You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
