i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
