whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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