Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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