Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
