erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
