I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
