You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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