she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's always time for handjobs
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
