so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
They took my balls.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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