I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
