Umm I'm too high to move.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
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When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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