I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
