i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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