i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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