i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
